The Place We Really Want To Go

“A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them” ~John C. Maxwell

This is it, the reflective time of year when we start to make resolutions and promises to ourselves to make some things happen. Hopefully we are not holding onto any sort of regrets or living in a place we can’t control, the past. Each of us make mistakes, we say or don’t say things we shouldn’t or should have, life keeps going. No matter what you have done, didn’t do, or wish you did; today is an opportunity to begin again, to simply get better from the lessons of yesterday. I suppose that is exactly what life is about; creating in some way your own contentment, knowing what makes you tick and running with it. Occasionally the stuff we have to learn about ourselves is painful and that can be beautiful. We are forced out of our comfort zone and fresh perspectives are born. When we see the other side and accept what is happening in the moment, a light within can switch on, showing us how we can become the persons we want to be. Everyone has the ability to get to the place they really want to go once they are awakened to the visions of what they want their life to look like. Let’s all make our promises and resolutions keeping in perspective that there will be great lessons to go along with them. The only real promise to make to ourselves is to get better.

For 2015 I will create the life I imagine and learn from the past. I will know how to love better, live better, get better, and simply be better. If opportunity to say and do things differently comes my way, I will be fearless in seizing that opportunity. The life I imagine for myself has changed over this year in that I may want the same things, but I know that they’re always more achievable when shared. The life I imagine for myself has a new component and I’m grateful to have learned the lesson, there is no way to ever settle for less. I will move forward and make things happen; already there is some creative stuff in the works and I understand there is nothing at all to fear. The success I’m after is growth, to be better than I was yesterday, knowing there is no ceiling in the future. One step, one day, and one moment at a time I will strive to see the big picture; the life I see now is different and the possibilities are limitless. See your big picture in 2015 and get after it!! 

Good Vibes and Easy Living

“Kiss slowly, laugh insanely. Live truly and forgive quickly” ~ Paulo Coelho

The bagpipes echoed throughout the old theater sending chills down my spine and drawing tears from my eyes. Over a hundred pipers along with drummers starting off a night of remembrance for Brendan Tevlin, a young man who was murdered at the hands of evil; senselessly taken from this world for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. No matter the circumstance or the questions of a given situation, it is always difficult to comprehend when a young life ends. It would be easy to write about the different ways tragedy is handled by different people, I prefer today to leave a message of hope and forgiveness because that is exactly what I took from the Tevlin family and friends. The theme of the night was “Good Vibes and Easy Living” and talking with the family I learned that it was also the theme of this young man’s life. Tom, his grandfather is a retired fireman who I know and even learned recently that I have a lot more in common with than the career that chose us. Through all the pain this family has and will endure, they are choosing to live in a way that all of us should emulate because we simply never know what life brings. Tom, who is 78 and looking to get “discovered” at a local karaoke place, sings The Beatles, Rod Stewart, and Barry White… He has wigs for each performance.  The twinkle in his eyes and easy smile on his face had me feeling a kinship and at ease in a way which I hope to bring to those around me. The conversation alone showed me that life is precious and there is no room for resentment or anger to live the life you imagine. When you love, love completely and never leave words left unsaid.

There is another situation happening around me where a woman who I have known my entire life, she is extended family to the point I call her children my cousins; she is rapidly moving on from this world. It is difficult to watch and all I can do is try and be there for the family in any way they need me. However, I am grateful that I was able to have a conversation with her a couple weeks ago before she was unable to speak. What I gained from that conversation is that I will do all I can in this life to have no regrets and to live as fearlessly as possible. Today I will choose to be happy no matter how much my mind races. Today, I will take a step toward my dreams; take care of myself spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally as best I can. I will smile and send love and light to everyone who has touched my life in a positive way and those who have taught me magical lessons. Hopes of skipping through New York City, feeling great and dancing through the night will remain with me no matter what “advice” I have been given. Today, I will be grateful for this beautiful life and family and friends. Today, music will fill my soul, inspiring creativity and allowing my body to move freely. Today, I will feel lighter as I discover the innocence of pure passion and love that I have come to know is still within me. Today, I will embrace the fact that I’m a bit “on the outside” of the groups I belong to; it is possible to be both tough and tender! Today, I will be independent and fierce in creating the life I dream of yet open and available to sharing myself. Today, I will do something good and unexpected for someone and not need anything in return. Tonight, I will look back on today and know I did the best I could to be better. Good vibes and easy living; this holiday season, let’s all be full of life and full of love.  

Falling Forward

“I have spoke with the tongue of Angels, I have held the hand of the Devil” ~U2

There are days when the crisp breeze can make it feel as though we are walking along the glaciers of Antarctica and others when the sun beats down so hard it as is if the Equator is mere miles away. There is a magic in the fall season which always seems to bring out an intense array of change. Other than the clocks, the term “fall back” has never resonated much with me; it’s always better to fall forward. For that matter, when spring arrives, might as well spring forward too! With Thanksgiving right around the corner I have had some time to review some of the mistakes and missteps I have made and found reason to be thankful for them; took time and reached out to some people who have taught me lessons or brought positive influence into my life just to let them know they are being thought of. Mostly they have been folks who have not heard from me in awhile and that has been pretty awesome. That slight gesture has put smiles on the faces and in the hearts of everyone involved. There are people and situations in life we must remember to simply be grateful for, it makes everything worth while. In a year where I have learned as much about myself as any other, my entire attitude and outlook is going through a huge growth stage. A lot of alone time, sleepless nights, mixed up thoughts, and rejection have cleared the overall path to what I vow to create; the greatest life ever. Consistently falling forward makes it easier to get back up, dust yourself off and keep moving, even if you have to crawl for a time.   

After every single storm there is a clear day ahead and that is the way I try to live my life. That is an easy statement to say or even write; it is also one of the most difficult to live by. A very close friend said to me a short time ago, “it amazes me you didn't start drinking again”. For me, that wasn't an option I would consider. Instead, the other day I went to the ocean, sat there watching the waves crash ashore, allowing myself to feel the moment and release what holds me back. I let everything I was ever afraid of go out to sea in a bottle. Everyone has the ability to change, to go with life’s flow like a rafting trip down a swift moving river. There will be smooth sailing sometimes, but we are bound to hit some major bumps along the way. The trick is in realizing that you can’t change anything but how you think and feel about yourself. I lost an election that I worked really hard at and the free time allowed me to begin writing again; to follow my ultimate dream of acting. It also gave me the opportunity to study in an effort that will enhance my career and give me the freedom to get to the place I really want to go. A relationship ended that was the greatest one I've ever known. It forced me to look deep inside, challenged me, and helped me realize that not only am I good enough, but ready and able to be the man of someone’s dreams. It raised the bar for what I desire in a partner; two people powerful enough to change the world, who will empower, challenge, laugh with, and encourage each other. It will be impossible for me to ever settle for less than that. Then, recently I missed out on a role that would be perfect for me and I prepared for it more than any other to date. That disappointment knocked me for a loop but may have opened another door to write a play; I am making an attempt and welcome the creative change. The point is that we can keep taking the hits, keep getting knocked down and still fall forward. At the very least we are still able to look ahead when we fall in that direction. If we stay idle or dwell on missed opportunities, we will always be looking back. Change your perception, change your life.Throw fear into the sea or wherever you need to in order to embrace this magical journey. Remember one important thing, falling forward also means you're out there living life; making things happen!!  

Making Sense Of It ALL

Soulmates, challenges, serendipity, life on life’s terms, understanding, faith, love, and lessons; these are just a small portion of the things I have tried to make sense of lately and frankly I don’t know if it’s possible. I had correspondence recently with a writer I admire and he had some advice for me which I will try and conjure up here; basically he said I always try and drive home the things I have already nailed in my writing. I probably do that because I feel as though I have to relearn a lot of things I thought I figured out! So Mr. Brault, thank you and here’s to change!

~ For whatever reason I have always been guarded against allowing people to get close to me; the reasoning is the one you allow closest may run furthest away.

~ I think the reason I am the way I am is because of the work and introspection I have done on myself over the years. I've been doing too much of it.

~ To let go and to live in the question is not as easy for some of us as it is others; Suppose silence is the answer, eventually you will stop asking questions. 

~ Stepping out of ourselves and taking an honest look at where we are at allows us to be grateful for air we breathe, visions we see, dreams we have, and feelings we feel. You can hold your breath, close your eyes, dream new dreams; feelings are unrelenting.  

~ It’s pretty ironic that actually doing everything in your power to move forward doesn't always have you feeling that you are going anywhere.

~ Souls are invisible until right there in the flesh, their mates show up on the same bus.

~Serendipity is not a fluke.    

~There are films, books, web sites, and of course music that seem to make sense of feelings at any given moment. However, the closing credits come up on the screen or the last note is played and there we are again, trying to figure out where to go next.

~ Sharing is mathematical. Joys multiply and pains divide.

~ The four letter word that makes us weep, laugh, believe, scream in the shower, dance in the moonlight, and punch the air is LOVE. There are many other four letter words which that one causes us to mumble or whisper.

~ Dreams can start over; a cannoli and some coffee with two forks and two cups.

~ Perhaps the only thing that makes sense in life is nothing makes sense. 

Acceptance, Balance, and Change

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible; fear of failure” ~The Alchemist

Above all else, my dream is to be better. I spend a lot of time creating; writing, working on the craft of acting, and lately studying so I may be better at the job I’m truly blessed to have. With all of that comes a deep desire to share everything with someone who inspires me and I, in turn, hope to inspire. Before the beginning of the summer I tended to break my life down into three different phases, those life altering moments when something inside or even circumstances you can’t control force you to look at the world and your life differently. Accepting the things you cannot change in life are the moments when the biggest changes occur and that always happens within. Phase one of my life was when I learned some of the great lessons I have carried with me ever since. Work hard and you may surprise some people along the way. Family is family and they are never going to be perfect, love them anyway; some of life’s greatest memories are being a kid with the innocence of not “knowing any better”. Phase two began 22 years ago yesterday when my brother, my best friend, my hero was tragically taken from this world. I could not accept it and instead I began a pattern of living that would break me down in every possible way; physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I spent some years after his death in a fog; a haze of destruction of which inevitably brought me to my knees. I also know that he has always been with me, likely having a hand in keeping me alive. Over the last several months he has entered in these vivid dreams directly involving my current circumstances that I could only share with very few people; he was a fighter then and that spirit lives in me. He has left me a few nickels richer! Today, I am thankful for it because I ended up at phase three; a moment of clarity in 2005 that began a new life and an opportunity to soar. I have grown a lot since then; there is no way to define the transformation that has taken place. The words gratitude, faith, and love all come to mind. In essence, I became the version of myself I was intended to be… sort of.

The fourth phase has begun and it has everything to do with balance and sharing. I had been with the person who allowed me to see that and now I know for certain what will bring me full circle; back to the innocence of “not knowing any better”. Armed with the wisdom of my experiences and the balance that was brought to me; I have been smacked awake and know with all my heart what I desire in this lifetime. There will not be anger or resentment, only love and encouragement. For many years the only real fear I had was of failing and that was an obstacle designed for me. Sure there are moments, words unspoken or spoken, choices I made that I would take back if I could; I also know where my true desires are and I’m no longer afraid to fail. Have the courage to change the things you can and have faith that the results will bring you closer to your best life. Never be afraid to lay your cards out on the table; the results won’t be up to you, but at the very least you will have stepped up and gave life a shot. For the rest of my days I will be grateful even when I don’t understand. I will be humble because I know what I can and can’t control. I will love unconditionally because forgiveness is essential to a peaceful heart. Even when it is painful, I will walk with my shoulders back and head held high knowing I did the best I could. I will send encouragement and light to those who have touched my soul no matter the distance between us. When an opportunity to change comes, I will embrace it and move forward. I will never again be afraid to fail or speak what I truly feel. I want to share everything, good and bad with a person who simply wants to understand me; I too will at least try and understand them. In this phase of development; above all else, my dream is to be better.

My younger self (and future self too)

As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. ~ Marianne Williamson

Last night at a family gathering celebrating a milestone birthday for my brother and two other birthdays, my niece and nephew, a major thought occurred to me as I spoke to my oldest nephew. I tried to teach him something I hope he will understand one day. With all I have learned through challenges, triumphs, loss, and incredible moments of clarity in my life, what would be the most important lessons I would teach my younger self or hopefully my own kids some day? When I say younger self, this can mean “younger” as in a day ago, a month ago, ten years ago, or thirty years ago. The bottom line is our individual journeys are constantly in the flow of our current beliefs in ourselves or the contradictions that force us to grow. Over the last several months I've come to trust that I am fully at peace with who I am; this after having my confidence shaken tremendously. I’m incredibly grateful that these monumental changes came to me. It’s okay for me to be a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, to be a man of determination and conviction, a man who truly believes in unconditional love and regards that over all else. I can be stubborn and loyal to a fault, tough enough to risk my life for others, yet soft enough write poetry. I've never been interested in being what others believe I should be, yet for a time I fell into that trap. I will listen to advice, I will seek wisdom. However, with all of my “advisers” and people who believe they know how I should be living and telling me how; I will trust my heart first and foremost because that is where my truth lies.

I will be brave enough to break down walls that I have built around myself in order to be the greatest man I can be. I will have enough faith in both myself and The Universe that each and every moment is perfect even when it doesn't feel that way. I will continue to give without any expectation of return. I now know that I am worthy of the greatest life possible and I want to build just that; hopefully alongside someone who makes me better, who balances out my complexities with purity and a smile that makes my heart sing. In turn, I will be the best silly, happy, loving, and compassionate guy I was created to be. I could be a rock for anyone; there is nothing this world can throw at me that I have not seen. I will provide support, love, affection, and all I can in every way because that is what my soul longs to do. I will treat people the way I want to be treated and communicate openly with those who matter most in my life. I will set out to make the world a better place humbly, respectfully, and with dignity. I will do my very best to be grateful for all that I do have and instead of dwelling on what I lack, I will work toward getting to the place I dream of being. I will kiss passionately, bask in spontaneity, love eternally and deeply. I will not be afraid to dance fast and hard no matter what I look like; I will cherish every slow dance I’m blessed enough to have, allowing my heart to melt with another. I will continue to act, to write, to create no matter how long it takes to “get it right”. I will be grateful for the surprise moments in life when my heart pounds, my body trembles, and my words flow out unmanaged. I will always have the audacity to laugh at myself when my idiotic tendencies come rushing out of me. I will never ever be afraid to tell the ones I love that I love them. I will cherish this life every moment of every day through each experience that helps create who I am. Hey, younger self, live life your way, without fear and always follow your heart! I got your back always. That goes for you too future self! What I know now, I wouldn’t change for anything! May everyone feel free enough to follow their bliss. Cheers.

Walk Like a Man or Woman

“I didn't think there would be so many steps I’d have to learn on my own”

~Bruce Springsteen

“I was young and I didn't know what to do when I saw your best steps stolen away from you; now I’ll do what I can, I’ll walk like a man”. A full decade since my father passed away, the man who always believed in me and who absolutely did the best he could with what he knew. In one way or another I have the sense that we choose the people in our lives, including our parents, siblings, family, and friends to teach us lessons throughout our journey. When we are able to delve into certain areas that hinder us, we will find freedom from these lessons. When we are open to it, others will enter our lives to help fill in the missing pieces. For years my dad knew that I was heading down a wrong path; one which he traveled himself and came around to defeat and ultimately break a cycle that kept our family intact. It is up to me now to take it all even further, to not only chase, but to realize the dreams that my heart yearns for. Truth be told, often we also learn how not to go about things from the ones we love the most. We have the ability to break patterns, to live fully and freely as we travel to our great destination. In order to fully evolve, we must first find what it is we truly want and then have the courage to face fears and obstacles to reach our bliss. It happens differently for everyone and there is magic in that; there is a mindset and purity that seems to allow for an insurmountable place of love and dedication. It is exactly where I want to be for myself and I’m more than willing to share everything I have to offer.

I can say that I’m there now, all the lessons have been taught and I’m aware of exactly how I feel even when I’m not perfectly sure how or when to express it. A guide in my life, who has taught me quite a bit over the last several years strongly brought to my attention that there are times you simply must follow your inner voice. This happened in an unconventional way because I felt as though she was telling me how I should feel about a very important situation, saying that I need more time to be ready for what my heart wants. As great as she has been, only I know how I feel and the unparalleled changes that have occurred in me over the last several months. I am ready and I trust in what my heart and soul tells me. Because of the journey that began with the loss of my dad I've grown increasingly freer over the years. I will continue to strive for freedom and unconditional love. That goes for everyone, take what you need from all sources and follow your own heart, follow your bliss. Self-discovery is a magical thing and is even better if your blessed enough to share it with a person who you believe in and believes in you. Release fear and doubt and go for your heart’s desire, there are no mistakes, only regret if you allow patterns and the influence of others to hold you back. The fall is upon us, choose to make it the way spring is supposed to be; let love blossom, take chances, feel your own unique power, and trust always what your instincts tell you. Walk the way you want to walk, talk the way you want to talk, and believe in yourself. We only got one shot to do each day right, win the day! Apart, we can be wonders of nature and together we can be forces of it. 

The MAGIC of a DECIDED HEART

“I believe in intuitions and inspirations…I sometimes “feel” that I am right. I do not “know” that I am”~ Albert Einstein

Our minds seek comfort while our hearts seek truth. Throughout our journey there will be serious crossroads when logic and passion meet and cause us to stop and reflect which direction to choose. For me, passion and intuition wins out the majority of the time and that is the beauty of risk. This is who I am and I am good with that because in the end, it is those decisions I made when it felt right that created the magical moments in my life. Of course I have made some wrong choices and learned from each of them. There is perfection in every imperfect situation; the trick is allowing yourself to see the magic in all of it. At the end of the day, when we sit still and allow ourselves to get in touch with our inner voice; the answers will come and when they are strong you’ll feel it throughout your body and any sort of logic should be tossed aside. As I sit here, having been awake for hours already I have come a magnificent decision because I’m finished gathering the outside information I needed, the “logic” that has caused a battle within me. Perhaps battle is the wrong word to use as it has really been a process. Forced to take a good hard look at what I desire in my world, every ounce of me now knows that answer. For the first time in my life, I am absolutely certain and trusting of who and what I want. All of the fears, the doubts, the questions of worthiness and readiness are completely gone from my psyche; my soul knows the answer, it always has. I just had to fully and unconditionally trust it!  

Still waters run deep, that has been “the way” for me much of my life. Today, I’d rather make a splash and go after the life I imagine, certain that I can live in the questions and let the answers flow like rolling river making its way to a fantastic destination. I had to listen for it, allow myself the freedom to discover all the things that have held me back thus far and confront them head on. When I’m at my best, I am the goofiest, most playful, caring, creative, considerate, loving, and secure person on earth. No doubt, I'm feeling that once again. The only thing that has ever kept me from that is fear when in fact there is nothing in this life to be afraid of. Right now, each of us has everything we need to create the life we imagine and be our absolute best. Take a risk with an open heart and open mind, let the chips fall where they may. Let your imagination run wild with all of your hearts desires; love passionately, work hard, dance crazily and sing loudly when you’re alone or even when you’re not. It’s an amazing revelation to find yourself skipping through a park and jumping in puddles with joyous spirit. Even if you’re not “feeling joyful”, take my word for it, you will be if you go and try it! Do things you have never done before and never ever be afraid to take someone else along for the ride. Embrace the feelings that make your heart thump, your dreams vivid, and imagination wander. In essence, we are all meant to have the light inside of us shine as bright the sun; never doubt the true freedom of being your authentic, weird, and awesome self. There is magic in a decided heart, it will cause you to change everything. Look doubt in the eye and give it the middle finger; no matter what your past has been like or future may or may not be; go ahead, skip, run, sing and dance; let your heart decide your destination.        

Lessons, Change & The innocence of Love

“We only accept the love we think we deserve”

It has finally hit me, the simple fact that it is impossible to love in the way you may want to if you’re not willing to be open enough to receive the love you deserve. First, we must happy with what we have, remind ourselves just how good we actually are instead of wanting more and losing purity in the process. We can be decision makers, intensely creative, passionately chasing dreams, and living good fulfilling lives and yet some of us will somehow forget about what is most important at the end of the day; finding time to appreciate ourselves and the people who touch us when we’re not counting on “achievements”. Throughout life, perhaps even before we are born, there are lessons we need to learn or are put on this earth strictly to be taught; other folks put here to teach us. For many, the biggest task is shaking complexities that hamper our ability to be our best self. We are perpetually growing from what we are showed by the people who touch our lives. In order to find true inner peace it is absolutely necessary to be open and available enough to love ourselves no matter where we want to go or where we have been. Throughout my life I was taught to be a fighter, to not back down, to hold things in, and never show your cards. In fact, my High School Yearbook says “Offer up your best defense, this is the end of the innocence”. In many instances that would serve me well, for I am driven and fearless when it comes most things. Then there was the whole battle within myself where I wasn't smart enough, rich enough, strong enough, and just about any other “enough” that one can think of. That led to a series of events in my life when my passion and will to be a good man guided me to conquer many things; from creating opportunities to having some successes after I surely doubted myself. Until now, the biggest victory in my life was figuring out that one day at a time I could go without feeding a disease that would be sure to kill me; which is super fantastic because I WANT TO LIVE! I want to dance (at least try to), create, travel, dream, and embrace each day. Now, what I know is that I’m not only “good enough”, but I want pure and unconditional love in my life and I deserve it, everybody does. It has been the toughest lesson of all because those complexities within me shielded me from receiving it from the person put here to finally show it to me. She made an incredibly brave decision that challenged me and forced me to finally see that missing part of myself. There are not enough words in the dictionary to show or say how grateful I am for that. In teaching me that lesson, nobody is more worthy of unconditional love than her; she is magical because I’m a tough nut to crack! Everyone deserves happiness and it is up to each of us to make the choice to look far enough within ourselves to empower it if that’s what you truly desire. I always wanted love, but I also used ridiculous fears to prevent me from fully receiving it until I was ready to learn the lesson and the right soul was placed in my complex world to teach me. Anyone lucky enough to find that in their lives, I truly hope you see it while it’s there in front of you; that you embrace it and return the magical lessons you're learning.  

Every one of us is like a seed that needs to be nurtured and watered and fed sunlight to grow. There are people who will teach us a great deal in life about how and sometimes how not to be. I have to believe that everyone from our parents, siblings, friends, lovers, and even strangers impact our lives in some way that guided us to our current situation. Mostly though, our own experiences are what mold us. That makes us teachers as well as the ones who need to be taught. It’s a beautiful thing to be both and share it all with the world and those who matter most in our lives. Lessons never end, there are great ones and tough ones; but life will only get better if you let it. I've spent a whole lot of time looking inside to see what drives me, what makes me tick; acting, writing, creating, reading, meditation and physical exercise are just some of the ways and it has served me well. Lately it has been a lot of reading, writing (trying all kinds), driving, getting with nature, and doing whatever I can to quiet a very active mind. There have been many breakthroughs for me and if it could happen to me, it could certainly happen to anyone. Once you are free of your most inner fears, you will then, without even trying, allow everyone around you to feel the same way. My heart is a difficult one to hold, but it’s open and trusting at the moment. Those who are happiest and most content seem to be the ones who learned these lessons already. We are all learning at our own pace, in the exact time we are supposed to. Everything changes, so long as we are willing to open up and try to see things through a different pair of lenses; take the good lessons with the bad ones and do your best to let down your defenses and be available for life’s richest rewards. Trust the whole puzzle will one day come together, that the perfect connectors will find their way into or back into your world, whatever the case may be. If they come back, you will have both learned from each other and you will become greater than ever before. When your heart and soul are open to the gift, it is much more difficult to believe that it will not. Take the nourishment and the sunlight when it is fed to you; allow your amazing life to grow perfectly with the innocence of love.      

The Value of Laughter & Three Tough Words

“To me there is nothing more sacred than love and laughter, there is nothing more prayerful than playfulness” ~Osho

As I entered the room of about eight people, ready to give the decision makers the best audition I possibly could, someone asked me; “Did you hear about Robin Williams”? News was just beginning to spread about the death of one of my idols. What happened? Nobody will ever know what was going through his mind at that moment; there will be speculation and “expert” analysis in the media and hopefully a Universal awareness and movement toward empathy. The guy who made millions laugh and entertained us unlike any before or likely will again had fallen victim to the three hardest words in our language; “I need help”. It hit me pretty hard; I asked for a couple minutes to process it and went ahead with the audition a few minutes later. I went home and watched Mr. Williams dazzle a room full of acting students and all I could see was his gifts that he so freely shared with all of us. I laughed and laughed hard, it felt good. My admiration for him will never waver and now more than ever, I can appreciate his talent and empathize with his demons; I’ve knocked out a few of my own in my time. I also understand what it is like to try and please “the masses” and lose part of my personal playful spirit in the process. I have made a vow to myself to not let that happen again because when all is said and done, it is the personal relationships we build, the laughter we share with those closest to us that keep us alive. Several weeks ago, having a difficult time with a situation in my life and then possibly making a mistake in trying to resolve it, I made a call to friend and told him that I needed help; three very difficult words to drum up when you’re an independent and self-sufficient person with a lot to be grateful for. However, he dropped what he was doing and agreed to meet up for dinner and a new process began. Within seconds after hanging up the phone is when the “volcano” erupted inside me. A couple days later I met with a person who has, over the years, guided me in a great direction and there appears to be tons of laughter on the horizon all because I stripped myself of pride and asked for help.

The following day another idol of mine passed away, an idol for a completely different reason. Lauren Bacall, who was once the young, energetic, independent, and life loving woman who humanized the great Humphrey Bogart passed away. Together, their playful spirit and timeless love is something to be admired by everyone. “Bogey became a little more giggly because of her” is a quote that I read about them and it really hits home for me. They were playful and full of laughter and that made for a sacred bond that was beautiful. She was mature beyond her years and never ever took a back seat to him. By all accounts, she made him a better man, a more open and free person no matter where they stood individually. She lived a great life and had a wonderful career in her own right, I read her book a few years ago and it inspired me greatly. I’m not one to overemphasize celebrity couples or love stories, but this one was different, the kind to aspire to. It’s easy to see in pictures of them that there was no place they would rather be than together and I’m certain they are again. Of course, I am also sure that they had to work some stuff out together and that is the magic of it. Age does not necessarily protect you from love and passion, however, I bet that it does work the other way around. Those two “mega stars” were far from perfect individually, together however, they created one of the great stories of all time. So there we have it, laughter will inspire us to do great things and also may cause us to hide some things we need to address. I do wish Robin Williams had the courage to ask for help and I completely understand the difficulty of that task. Ask for it when things seem to be overbearing and it will always arrive. In the meantime, allow that person who makes you better, who dares to laugh with you, to love you, to trust you, and feel free enough to create your own brilliant story.  

Learning and the Change that goes with it

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can’t utter”

~James Earl Jones

Defining moments in our lives are often ignited by experiences we have had that we can’t take back and often wish we could. It is difficult at times to imagine mistakes we have made, things we said, or things we have left unsaid that cause us to do one of two things; we either bury ourselves in regret and self-pity or we learn from it and change everything about our perceptions, ideas, and feelings. If a situation in your life causes you to take a true hard look inside yourself, it is your moment to grow and simply become better. Like the mystical creature “The Phoenix”, we all have an opportunity to rise from the ashes after making life’s personal blunders and come away wiser, stronger, and being sure of what we want in life. It begins with forgiveness, first of yourself and then toward the rest of the world. The opportunities to evolve will come to us throughout our lives; in many cases, especially for a man like me, it takes an enormous amount of emotion to come to that place of change. The last couple of months have brought me to that place once again and today I’m beyond grateful for it. Grateful does not necessarily mean easy or that the situation has resolved itself inside of my heart and soul; what it means is that my perceptions of everything have changed and the “growing pains” are helping to make me a better man. There has been a complete transformation in the way I view certain aspects of my life. Every second is an opportunity to turn our lives around.

The heart will be your greatest ally when you allow it to open up fully and communicate your desires to the world around you and the people who matter most in your life. Though instinct has been strength in my life, there have been times when something inside of me has created havoc when I wasn't able to fully express the truth of how I felt. There is always a bright side to failing; the biggest is the relief you may find inside of yourself when the realization hits you that change is needed to be your truest self. Once this realization hits, you have the good fortune of having the chance to shift directions if you choose to. You can make a plan and follow it like a map to the place you really want to be. It is possible to transform physically, mentally, and every other way when you’re ready or “forced” to change. For me, I now know where I want to be and there is a plan to get there. I've made some noticeable changes, physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally; I will do all I can to continue on that path. For the first time in my life my vision is clear about whom to share dreams with, how to get there, and why I want to do whatever it takes to make a magical dream come true. The missteps I had made forced me to look at myself from a different perspective and realize that real courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. I didn't do that for a long time. If and when the opportunity comes, I will have that courage. Lay your cards out on the table; look inside and if opportunity doesn't come knocking right away, build a door for it and transform yourself on the other side. The door is built and is certainly unlocked.   

The Soul's Perpetual Space for Improvement

“Optimist- Someone who figures out that taking a step back after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha-cha”~ Robert Brault

Leading up to this moment in my life everything has been perfect. From an outsiders point of view, that may not be the case; for that matter it is easy for me to look back and say my life has been anything but “perfect”. I’ve dealt with loss, incredible feelings of uncertainty and unworthiness. Untimely deaths in my family, an insane addiction to alcohol, and a constant deep fear of never being “good enough” has caused me to grow in ways I never imagined that I could. My story is not by any stretch the most horrible, nor has it been the easiest ride thus far. It is however mine, I own it and realize now more than ever that each and every experience has allowed me to become the man I am today. The latest situation in my life, which for me has been as painful as any, also has brought me to a place of optimism and pure love. The kind I wasn't sure possible for me until I felt the feelings I had to feel and was forced to dig deep inside of myself to find the small part of me that has been missing for a long time. Perhaps it wasn't “missing”, simply put, I never realized until now I have stopped myself from life’s greatest gifts because of deep seeded fears that go far back, even beyond my own memory. The good news is that this past week it all flowed out of me like lava after a bursting volcano. An eruption of emotion, pain, and love all rolled into one. I was broken in a way I’ve never been before and on the other side of that, a true and honest and pure sense of fearlessness was born. With a little direction from someone who understands this sort of thing, like I have tried to for the better part of a decade; I know that everything has been perfect and that I am now ready to taste life the way it has been intended for me. My eyes, my heart, and my soul have been awakened.

Life is a perpetual space for improvement; we can either stay comfortable or look within ourselves to reveal our deepest desires. For the first time in my life I’m certain of this, which is my deepest desire is to share everything with someone else. I've held back that part of me for reasons I cannot explain or care to even try because I believe it is impossible to do so. It hasn't been for lack of opportunity or lack of trying. For some unknown reasons I've always stopped short of completely exposing myself to life’s greatest gift, pure love and forgiveness. I’m an incredibly grateful man; I've been given the gifts of insight, of passion, of creativity, and room to grow. Now, my soul has danced with another and made me feel whole. This is the greatest “lesson” I have learned, for it forced me to reveal the things that have held me back and made me ready to move in that direction. I write often about dreams, about chasing them and being fearless; today I can see that it all becomes better when you allow another into the deepest part of you and share that dance. Today I can throw away all I have learned about love because I've actually felt it fully. In fact, I still do and it creates an optimism that I've never felt before. That is saying a lot because I am certainly a “glass overflowing” guy. My ego has been torn apart, my walls have crumbled, and a new light shines in my heart and soul. The volcano erupted, my life has been transformed and I am grateful. The beauty of it is that there is still and always will be room to improve and share everything with another.   

Feng Shui and making room for 2nd chances

“I've tried to run away from it before and I’m not running anymore ‘cause I fought against it hard enough to know”~ John Mayer

It first came to me as I stared out the ocean, standing looking out and feeling an enormous shift; knowing that inside I've got to make changes in order to have the life I truly want. Part of being a dreamer is the costliness of “building castles in the sky”. Still, I've been blessed to have a solid foundation of the man I truly want to be. I had made the mistake of allowing myself to get trapped by outside forces that caused me to neglect everything that matters. At some point you have to realize what is most important for yourself and the people who deserve your love in your life and hopefully it doesn't cost too much. The last time I felt similar to the way I was feeling before that night, I had almost destroyed every single dream and anything good in my life. The beauty in all of this is simply that in recognizing my own shortcomings, there is a perpetual space to get better at everything. In a world that is far from perfect, second chances give us the opportunity to grow, excel, and dream on the right track. Any doubts I had about a future were gone that night and the next phase of development begins with change, I’m more than ready and willing to keep moving and creating. So I went on a crazy boardwalk ride with my niece and before we went she was afraid, even though it was her idea to take the ride. What I told her was in order to do anything we have to be fearless in our pursuits, look fear in the eye and walk right through it. In reality, I was talking to myself. I had begun the process of making changes that will help me to move toward the exact life I envision. There are unknowns that I have no control over, but I am wide open to the possibilities.

I read an article about what someone will do to keep what and who is most important in their life and it came down to change. If you come up with ten things you’re willing to change, then by all means make them and see what happens. My list is plentiful. For me it is a process that has been both fun and at times painful because of the realization that there is only so much I can actually control. I’m going to stick with the fun parts because what brings me joy is acting, writing, art, music, and learning new things, and the actual chasing of a dream. I know for certain that part of all of it is getting out of the place I currently reside and getting closer to the opportunities I seek. I take the responsibility of that seriously and have devised a plan to get there. In the meantime, I have to be okay with where I am right now and make the best of my current situation. So I got some furniture, cleaned up a ton of clutter, and began creating space to make room for improvement, "Feng Shui" if you will, to make room for what is missing. May seem trivial, but I've never been the most organized fellow. Using drawers instead of living out of bins is quite liberating! I needed to do that in order to make progress. I've found more auditions and classes, been writing the way a writer should write; fearlessly and without reservation or worry about outcomes. I've delved into different forms of it and reached deep down to create not only material, but peace in a continually racing mind. Accepting that I’m not quite where I want to be, change helps me see that I will get there. I've found ways of discovering new music and really taking it in. I've found a great deal of things to be grateful for and I’m building the life I imagine. I want to risk it all for the right person and everything that matters most. I’m certain of this much, who and what that is has given me the opportunity to grow; and for that, I’m eternally grateful. If you get another chance, look fear in the face and walk right through it.  

Art & The Places WE can go

“I think what film and art and music do; they work as a map of sorts for your feelings”

~Bruce Springsteen

Have you ever been driving and a song comes on the radio that just hits you? Inside you feel something come alive and it could take you to another dimension all together. I already know that answer because no matter who you are or what you do, the genius of somebody’s creation can move you in ways you never knew possible when you’re open to it. Each of us have an emotional core that when provoked can take us anyplace we really want to go; and often times are also afraid to go. We can look at a painting or drawing and something inside of us causes us to snap a picture of the image in our minds and feel what the artist was going through at a particular moment in their lives. It reminds us, no matter how strong or reserved or even stubborn we could be, that we are all human and have our own individual means of walking through life. A little over a week ago I took in a film that I haven’t seen in almost a decade; at that time I looked at the film from a different point of view and though I thought it was very good at the time, watching it now literally brought me to my knees at certain points because of the feelings it brought up inside about what is going on in my life right now. It provoked something in my heart and soul that I've either been scared of or never addressed until now. Simply stated, you love who you love, you’re connected to who you’re connected to and nobody can take it away. On that screen was me, not me the actor, but me the man going through life and all it's pain, beauty, and challenges. That is what art can do; the great comedy or tragedy or lesson that touches all of us comes out in it; it opens up our minds and our hearts to life’s possibilities. After a little bit of time processing what I had felt, I looked a bit further into this particular actor who moved me so much and now have a greater appreciation for not only his work, but the man he is; just a guy who had a dream and wasn't afraid to take risks in life or look “silly” doing it. Bravo Jim Carrey.

Something inside of me has always had an appreciation for collaborating artists. Whether it is in music or film, the idea of two or more very different people coming together and creating something magical inspires me beyond words. Although I personally am a bit of an individualist; the idea of teamwork is what really drives me. There is something about the connection that has always had me yearning to work at something together with someone else. The essence of this I suppose is that anything is possible when you’re surrounded by the right people or person. What I've found recently is that not only creatively, but in life, working at something together makes things more bearable and possibilities limitless. It has taken a lot for me to come to this realization, to discover that although we need to walk our own path, the road will be smoother when two paths meet; everyone needs a hand to hold onto. A writer needs a director who needs a cast that understands the message they’re trying to convey. The greatest musicians in the world need a band to fully evolve. An artist in any form get inspiration from the connections they make in the world. As Firefighters, we rely on each other to work together to get an important job done. Through it all, there is one common thread, a connection to somebody else. If and when you’re lucky enough to find a connection that makes you better, makes you feel alive, and clicks with you on every level; bring your paths together and create the life you imagine. Throw your cards on the table and allow each other to see what you’re holding; there’s always a possibility that they’re both winning hands. In the end, nobody wins unless everybody wins.   

The Courage of Thunder Road

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else”~ Erma Bombeck

Firefighters are doomed to live up to a reputation of being “courageous”; the fact of the matter is that in many ways we are, we took a job for the good of others and put ourselves in position to literally save lives. I love my job for that reason, it is not because I’m an adrenalin junkie or feel the need to be a “Hero”. A line from one of my all-time favorite songs is “I’m no hero that’s understood, all the redemption I can offer is beneath this dirty hood”, I believe that dirty hood is a metaphor for the singer’s essence. There was a lot of soul searching going on before Bruce came to that conclusion. The song itself is an invitation for a fellow dreamer to go out with the narrator and search the world together. It’s one of the greatest pieces of music that has ever been written in my humble opinion. Each time and each version I have listened to over the years has opened up a beautiful world to envision because I too am a dreamer. Over the last several weeks a whole new world has opened up inside me; I've found parts of me that I have been searching for and never even realized I was missing. They’re out there now, I’m making progress and I've had to muster more courage than I ever have to look that deep inside of myself. I've been to New York City, The Ocean, alone in an elegant hotel room, and to the mountains to figure out what will be next. In all these places the one constant was me; what I believe is that I’m at a whole new level of awareness and ready to be brave enough to fully engage in who, what, and all that matters most to me in this lifetime. There is truth in the assumption that “soul searching” can be painful, it can cause a person to break down walls they've built around themselves and finally see exactly what they want their lives to look like. No matter how hard we try, it is quite impossible to be perfect all the time, so open up what is inside of you and offer up everything you have; hold onto hope that the connections you've been yearning for make it all seem perfect. “Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night”.

The key to Thunder Road is that they are going take each other’s hand to go out and “case The Promised Land”, a place where all dreams will come true and they’re going to support and encourage each other along the way. It’s a fantastic narrative for those of us yearning to be better, to chase dreams, and cast fear aside. Those two lanes can take us anywhere we want to go; the power of it is in the knowing you have the courage to put yourself out there, the strength comes from an irreplaceable connection of “one last chance to make it real”. Open up your heart, follow it and in the end you will be able to embrace the process of actually allowing love’s agenda to work itself out. Once you’re on that road, surrender yourself because “Heaven’s waiting down on the tracks”.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I579UTHm-o     

Unbreakable

“Hearts will never be practical until they are made UNBREAKABLE” ~The Wizard of Oz

There were thousands of people around when I gazed at an incredibly full moon above the ocean. I stared at the empty space on the beach below envisioning two people walking along the edge of the reflection on the water. In that moment I could feel a shift in my consciousness and in my heart; my entire being evolved at the vision of that empty space under the moonlit sky. I have won many battles in my life, personal, professional, and any other kind in between. I know what it is like to endure loss, to move on afterwards and usually relatively quickly. In my profession as an actor it is so common to end up on the losing end that parts of me are immune to rejection and defeat. By nature I am an extremely passionate and deep feeling guy and I’ve taught myself to use that as an advantage. Every single time I have accomplished something great in my life it was those two attributes that brought me there. No matter what however, there are other times when my biggest strengths become my ultimate weakness; when I lose myself for a time putting my passion into things that at the end of the day really don’t matter much. It’s a way of building walls maybe, or just being a prisoner of my own blindness. I guess life really is a perpetual work in progress. As great as it is to have the capacity to live in the moment and see where a day, week, or even year can take you; an “ah-ha” moment about your future can cause a monumental change in the way you look at things if deep down you’re not exactly where you want to be. This type of pain has catapulted people to step out of their comfort zone, forced them to move forward and chase dreams, to change everything.

According to my calculations, however unpractical they are, so long as you’re breathing and can see things, anything in life is possible when you’re willing to work for it and know for certain it is what you’re looking for. There could very well be moments in your lifetime where pain can cause a magical shift in the way you look at everything. Many say that pain is a great motivator; it will cause the most stubborn folks to change their whole outlook on life. This sort of thing happened to me in 2005 when I stopped living a destructive existence and it has happened again. When something, some power much greater than me, simply stated a fact in my heart and made me come to the realization that I had to be better. Back then, I figured out what I needed to do and did all I could to do just that; so far so good in that aspect of my life and I’m beyond grateful for it every day. Being there again, in that place where my insides are in turmoil and my mind races has once again brought that little voice into my conscious and my heart; I see my future and love what I envision, I just need to figure out how to get there. The space under the moonlit sky is full and I’m there and I’m not alone. When pain inside of you turns into love you can take practicality and throw it away hoping to keep your heart intact. Do your best to build the courage to transition yourself from fear and pain to love fully and completely. It’s worth the risk!  

Needs, Wants, and Songs

The Rolling Stones wrote, “You can’t always get what you want but you get what you need”. No truer words ever written because if you’re reading this you have everything you really need. It is easy to struggle with things in life because of the influence of others telling us what we do and do not need. They’ll tell you that you “need” to have a certain job, a family, success, a certain way of living and so on. Parents, family, and friends are notorious for adding this sort of pressure to us in our lives because perhaps they didn’t see or do all the things they wanted to do in life and feel that they are “doing what they need to do and you should to”. To a certain extent every one of us has to deal with this, I know I did and until the moment came in my life when I found out that all my basic needs were always met then became completely and wholly grateful for them; air in my lungs, a beating heart, food, shelter, a mind to do my own thinking, and an imagination that allows me to dream. To somebody else’s standards I didn’t have much and I paid the price for trying to be what others thought I should be. I was lost and had no direction, a prisoner to my own fears of not being good enough. That is different today even though those fears still creep up on me at times, each day knowing that I’m closer to the life I want guides me away from fear and allows me to stay on the winding path of my dreams. I read recently “To travel is better than to arrive”; a simple and very effective way of saying that we are never really forced to simply live a life of needs and we can always take risks to live the lives we want.

Just as true as The Rolling Stones, The Beatles wrote “All you need is love, love is all you need”. Love begins with yourself and morphs into the desires, ambition, and passion for your dreams and the people you allow into your life. Sometimes we are not sure of what we want along our journey and when it comes to us we may stumble a bit and resist because of our experiences or lack of them when it comes to facing change. Every so often reality has told me to quit pursuing my dream of acting; this is something I want badly in life and have the determination and will to make it happen. Day to day I’m not always sure how to get there, only that I’m going to. The ability to constantly evolve and grow and figure out the “how’s” is the greatest part achieving what you want. That is a case of something tangible that you can use your will and desire to get what you want. Love itself is not a tangible desire and yet, it is as John, Paul, Ringo, and George said, all we need. When it hits you fully it becomes a reason for striving and going on the greatest ride of your life. I love acting and found out that I love loving itself and these wild desires make me feel alive. They keep me moving and allow my heart to risk it all and keep moving in the direction of my dreams. Love also allows me to feel free and allow others to do the same. Sharing this passion is quite simply the greatest gift known to man and to have someone to experience it all with enhances it beyond imagination. As Dr. Seuss said, “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love”. I had no idea I wanted that until I tasted it. No matter what it is that makes you tick and makes you feel alive; love yourself and when the time comes to risk sharing it, remember to chase dreams and know you already have everything you need.    

Independence

As my alarm went off this morning at 4:45 I remembered the significance of this particular day, Independence Day. We celebrate it with fireworks, vacations and cookouts. There are parades, radio stations play songs of freedom and patriotism. In this part of the world, of all days that SHOULD be celebrated, this certainly is the one. 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights; that among them are LIFE, LIBERTY and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS"...These are some of the most powerful words ever written, not just here, but in all of the world. I started to think about these words, poured my first cup of coffee, plugged in the music that moves me and began to dream. These ideas were created for a country, but they trickle down to each of us. Our own individual freedom comes from a place inside ourselves; we have a choice each and every day to chase our dreams. Those of us that decide to chase dreams are most likely to catch them, no matter how big or how uncommon they may be. Long before any of us got here, there have been women and men who have paved a road that gives us permission to do whatever it is that makes us feel alive.

I honestly think a lot about the things in my life that I would have changed and the honest answer is nothing. Though I have had some difficult times, fears and failures; they have made me who I am today and this day is all I have to try and pave the way for myself and those I love. For me, our purpose is to keep on going through struggles and victories with a sense that after every single storm there is the calm of a perfectly sunny day. Nature tells us this and so does life. Years ago, my then sixteen year old niece answered the question "What is the best feeling in the world?" Her answer, "Defying the odds". I can't lay claim to giving that to her, but that is exactly what Independence Day is about; her words had a great impact on me. We are all capable of anything in life that we imagine and we are free, individually, to discover exactly what kind of mark we want to leave on the world around us. We are free to risk everything!

There is no age limit on fulfilling your dreams or to begin dreaming for that matter. Whatever your desires are, you have the power inside of you to stake your claim to them. If the odds seem against you~ defy them. When people or situations get you down and they will~ forgive them and move on. The right people and situations will surely be in your life, always at the right time. Remember that hope costs just as much as gloom but the rewards of hope are far greater. The pursuit of happiness is the greatest gift we have, get after it!

Places

You don’t really need be in any certain place in life to know where you are going. The present is all we can really control and the reason to get out of bed in the morning. When undue pressure is put on people to be someplace else in life’s journey, it makes it difficult to move forward. Whether you’re “established” or just starting out it may constantly seem as though you are trudging uphill to get to the place you feel you should be. We will all get there, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly; the key is to work right now at the aspects you can control. Always remember what is important, that the connections you make and the lives you touch will be what is remembered in the long run. Drive and ambition are wonderful gifts to have, it means you are in constant motion trying to evolve, grow, and succeed. The trick is to balance it with human connection and love and support of everyone’s own journey. Be grateful at all times that there is air in your lungs and visions you see; there is no dream too big when your heart is full of gratitude for the “little” things that keep you moving toward your intention.

Often times I feel as though the path I chose, actually the one that chose me is too difficult, that I’ve already overcome enough obstacles in my life to be striving for an “impossible dream”. There is plenty of rejection, disappointment, and perceived “failure” that I could simply be content with where I am, to stay complacent in my current situation; God knows I’m in a pretty good position, one I would not have dreamed of ten years ago. Therein is my truth~ that I will continue to move on my path, to strive to get after my ultimate dreams. If you have a vision of where you want to go, then simply put, it really doesn't matter much where you are right now as long as you’re doing what you can to move forward. We are all on a level playing field so long as we are progressing toward that place we really want to go. Nobody is in a better spot than anyone else as we move toward our goals; strive to be a work in progress. Growing into what we all want to be takes constant discovery and the willingness to adapt to the challenges and hurdles life throws at us. “A calm sea never made a skilled sailor”. Keep moving! Because frankly, you never can tell just how close you are to the place you really want to be.

Intuition vs. fear and silly odds

I’m going to go on ride to nowhere, wherever I end up, I will create something. Sometimes driving simply allows me to have my 60,000 thoughts a day at a slower pace. Possibly, in my case it’s more like 80,000 thoughts but that’s something for another day. I've got some time for the first time in a while and that means there are some odds to beat. I always wonder where “experts” come up with crazy reasoning about everything in life and try to dissuade folks from going after something they want. Inside of everyone is a powerful voice that says anything is possible. I recall sitting in a room full of people the better part of a decade ago and the authority figure up front basically said that “1 out of 35 of you have a chance to make it and even that one person will fail after 2 years". The voice inside me began to laugh out loud because my intuition always tells me to beat the odds. So far, I have knocked that one out of the park! I plan on defying many many more "odds". That’s not to say that fear doesn't try and creep in at any given moment in life, those are the moments when the thoughts multiply and confusion could set in. These are also the moments when after a little time you weigh in on the intuition vs. fear battle and make a decision. Once a choice is made, you either give into fear or believe in your intuition; passion, love, will, determination, forgiveness, and faith are all the byproducts of trusting the voice inside of you that says “screw the odds”~ We got this!

It doesn't matter if it’s a career choice, a relationship, personal battles, or anything else. If something inside of you tells you it is right, work hard at it and don’t, by any means, allow fear to set any limits on your dreams. The world belongs to the risk takers, the folks who laugh at the experts and go after what they want. Circumstances will come and go; maybe you will doubt yourself because you’re not exactly in the place you want to be. This is a good thing! The fire burns inside and complacency is not an option. I’m there right now, at this place where I have to evaluate and create a way to get to the place I really want to go. Imagination on the big picture and eyes set clearly on what to do right now. Fears and doubts were creeping in for a bit, but they never ever win out when my intuition tells me the three important factors in beating the odds; what I want to do, who I want to share it with, and where I want to go. I am certain of all three! Today perhaps, a few pages get written or an audition comes up or I simply drop down to 40,000 thoughts. No matter what, the direction will be evident. Whoever the experts are can take their story elsewhere, we got this.  Whatever the odds, love your chances and trust your heart!    

ALL OF IT

I went to New York City today. I had no plan, no real reason to go, or even an idea except that I needed to get some clarity. Sounds a little ironic that one would go to the busiest place on earth for clarity I guess, but I simply love it there and when I’m in a rut; New York City or near the ocean is where I need to be. A lot has happened since I last wrote for people to see, quite a bit recently so I chose to act, to get moving back in the direction I need to go in order to be full of life again. I have a whole lot of energy in me and somewhere over the last couple of months I got caught up in something that kept me from flourishing in some incredibly important areas. In fact, I was stopped dead in my tracks recently. I have a fantastic job that I’m proud to do and find many rewards in simply doing it. Also, without a doubt, I have this amazing dream of telling stories; of acting and writing and having an outlet to release all the fears and doubts, experience and joy that goes along with being me. So maybe I did have a plan, a reason, and an idea when I left for the big city. I was in search of something, the connection to myself that will keep me growing into the man I want to be.

In another ironic twist, I ran into an old friend on the bus! We sat next to each other and in approximately 40 minutes engaged in a conversation about life and love and the “knowing” when you’ve found something great; when you’re connected to someone or something that brings out the best in you every single time. It helps you to run on a creative plane and teaches you to really listen and understand the complexities of what you say at any given time. As I walked through this bustling city, with all of its character and "characters", I realized that I have to practice fearlessness when it comes to the considerable gifts I’ve been given. I have to make good on my dreams and confidently walk toward them. I know what I want and who and I want to share it all with; it’s time to put any fears aside and go get it, ALL OF IT. To truly give the best I have in me, there are risks I need to take and risk has never stopped me before.