The Mountain

“As you become more clear about who you really are, you’ll be able to decide what is best for you” ~ Oprah Winfrey

As the plane began its descend, I was in awe of the enormity of the Mountains; seemingly out of nowhere they take over the earth, majestically transforming the landscape into a heavenly feast for the eyes. For the first time in a very long time I chose a window seat on my flight; heading to Colorado, I wanted the full experience of seeing the snowcapped Rocky Mountains from the air. I was traveling to this magnificent place in the middle of the country with some guys I started my career with several years back, to celebrate one of them taking a major life step. At work, I have to trust these guys with my life, on this trip I had to trust that they would understand that my way of “letting loose” is different than theirs and I would spend a good portion of the trip out on my own exploring the beauty of the land and visiting other life-long  friends. I wanted write, to climb, to fill up with the “good stuff” that nature provides. I was able to do all these things, taking in each moment to unfold more of my soul and what certain aspects of life mean; love, friendship, adventure, and of course dreaming of the life I plan to live.

It was once said to me that my life is “set”. This may not seem like a big deal to many, but for me those words pierced through my heart like a shard of glass coming down from the heavens; a wound was opened unlike any other prior to that time in my life. It came at a time when, in all actuality, I was striving to move ahead, but at a crossroads of sorts about old ideas and lifelong fears that held me back from the most important things in life. Our lives are never ever “set”, there is no such thing. This would mean either that we are absolutely certain of our future or that our past has dictated where we’ll stay. To add to that, my dreams are big and for the most part will eventually move me away from where I currently am; it’s simply a bonus that I’m in a good place right now. It’s my belief that we can know exactly where we intend to go and do the things we set out to do; only we can never be sure just how it will all unravel. My friends and I sat down in a six person raft with an idea of going with the flow of the river, eventually reaching our destination. Sometimes we would really have to work, paddling extra hard because the weight we were carrying caused our vessel to get stuck on more rocks than others. Eight rafts took the trip and it was only ours where, including me, people were thrown out and into the river to fend for ourselves until we were pulled back in. Large slippery rocks, powerful current and frigid waters are the main physical obstacles to get back in the boat; by far, the biggest interference is fear of letting yourself simply drift along until you reach the folks who will pull you back aboard. Believe in the current as well as your own survival skills and you will drift freely to the place you need to be. Even the strongest swimmers cannot fight the rush of water Mother Nature provides, so you simply have to let go, breathe, and allow it to take you to that place where someone will pull you safely back in. Therein lies the beauty, a hand to reach out to after moving through obstacles and releasing all your fears.

“To live for some future goal is shallow. It’s the sides of the mountain that sustains life, not the top”. The following day these words from Robert M. Pirsig rang over and over in my mind as I climbed up in the snowcapped mountains that seemed imaginary as the plane was landing in Colorado. This was part of the trip that I’d have to explore on my own. No doubt I feel as though this kind of adventure is enhanced tremendously when shared with another; however, I wasn’t going to wait for that to happen, the moment was now. I’ve spent a lot of time traveling in the past year and a half; from coast to coast, oceans and mountains, rivers, beaches, and cities. I’ve met all sorts of interesting people along the way. Conversations with an array of folks including friends I haven’t seen in years, fellow writers, Firefighters, lost souls and insanely successful actors, artists and musicians. We are all connected to what the side of the mountain represents; a journey filled with joys and sorrows, victories and defeats, laughter and tears. We choose trails and we climb, is it better to keep your head down and charge up the hill without regard of the life happening around you? Or, is it better to be aware of the sprouting wildlife, of the colors, of the gentle streams and fallen trees? One way or the other we all experience what the mountain has in store for us, either as we enjoy our ascension or as we tumble back down. I’ve fallen down many times. I've crossed paths with those who have taught me about life, about themselves, and most importantly, myself. Whichever trail you choose, take it all in, spontaneously jump on a rock and scream to the world that “I feel great”!! When your path crosses with somebody looking to go where you want to go, sing, dance, and explore everything along the way. The top isn’t as lonely when you get there side by side. If in fact you have to go it alone, remember to be aware of the life around you and treat it well. The journey to the top is filled with magical moments.        

Angel on the Trail

“Sometimes people don’t need advice; all they need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand them” ~Unknown

I sat silently in the middle of a stream listening to sounds of the waterfall at the bottom of a steep embankment along the trail. I could feel the tiny drops splashing on my arms and face, the day wasn’t super-hot by any means, but the droplets are refreshing and remind me of the infinite source of nature; though my mind which always seems to be racing was again full of thoughts, stillness in this moment allowed my awareness to increase.

My eyes were closed and sunlight that shone through the trees was warm on my face. There is a certain grace you feel in nature as the outside world moves at a pace difficult to keep up with. I felt a presence descending down toward the stream and opened my eyes to see a woman making her way down. She was certainly in shape and fearlessly navigating her way down the hill; this has to be a spot she frequents. I did my very best not to stare at her as she gathered rocks around the stream, stacking them on top of a much a larger rock to form a tower. This was quite intriguing to me. After several minutes of this she waved at me, her smile inviting and at ease. I decided to approach her; curiosity as well as this woman’s approachable nature guided me toward her.

“What is it that you’re doing?” I asked. Her reply was carefully thought out, though it also seemed as if she wanted to use the right words so that I would understand. “It’s spiritual, for a few minutes I concentrate on balancing the rocks and it centers me”. I smiled an understanding smile she continued; “Does your mind ever race? Go a little crazy with thoughts you can’t seem to stop?” She was speaking my language now! The woman kept on, “Building the tower with rocks forces you to slow down for a few minutes and start over”. With that, she topped off her rock tower and told me she needed to go pick up her daughter. I thanked her and watched as she ascended the embankment back up toward the trail. She was half way up the hill when she turned to me and said “you should probably try it”. Indeed I would.

The next day I was back at the trail, heading toward the waterfall determined to build my own tower near the one that was created by the woman a day earlier. To my surprise it was knocked down. At first I was pissed off because, well, who would knock it down? It’s a tough hike just to get to that place and she searched for all those rocks to build with. Then it came to me, as I built my own tower on a different large rock that sometimes things need to be knocked down. The large rocks were the foundation that could constantly be used to rebuild new towers and new ideas. We could create or construct anything as long as there is a solid foundation to work with. We can be knocked down, even stay down for a while, but as long as at the base of our hearts there is good and love and understanding, there is always a shot at reconstruction. You just have to be willing to jump off the cliff or descend a steep embankment to begin building again. Relationships, friendships, recovering from addictions, healing old wounds, or simply knowing ourselves better begin with the solid foundation of love. 

We have to create our own towers and perhaps along the way someone will come along who is interested, who understands, who would like to build something too. The climb back to the trail, to the top of the world will be something that is nurtured and earned. We will know new freedom and happiness and above all know that we can keep building our dreams, our relationships, and our lives. Angels are everywhere when we’re open to hearing them.