“There is only one thing that makes a
dream impossible; fear of failure” ~The Alchemist
Above all
else, my dream is to be better. I spend a lot of time creating; writing,
working on the craft of acting, and lately studying so I may be better at the
job I’m truly blessed to have. With all of that comes a deep desire to share
everything with someone who inspires me and I, in turn, hope to inspire. Before
the beginning of the summer I tended to break my life down into three different
phases, those life altering moments when something inside or even circumstances
you can’t control force you to look at the world and your life differently.
Accepting the things you cannot change in life are the moments when the biggest
changes occur and that always happens within. Phase one of my life was when I
learned some of the great lessons I have carried with me ever since. Work hard
and you may surprise some people along the way. Family is family and they are
never going to be perfect, love them anyway; some of life’s greatest memories
are being a kid with the innocence of not “knowing any better”. Phase two began
22 years ago yesterday when my brother, my best friend, my hero was tragically
taken from this world. I could not accept it and instead I began a pattern of
living that would break me down in every possible way; physically, mentally,
emotionally, and spiritually. I spent some years after his death in a fog; a
haze of destruction of which inevitably brought me to my knees. I also know
that he has always been with me, likely having a hand in keeping me alive. Over
the last several months he has entered in these vivid dreams directly involving my current circumstances that I could only
share with very few people; he was a fighter then and that spirit lives in me.
He has left me a few nickels richer! Today, I am thankful for it because I
ended up at phase three; a moment of clarity in 2005 that began a new life and an
opportunity to soar. I have grown a lot since then; there is no way to define
the transformation that has taken place. The words gratitude, faith, and love
all come to mind. In essence, I became the version of myself I was intended to
be… sort of.
The fourth
phase has begun and it has everything to do with balance and sharing. I had been with the
person who allowed me to see that and now I know for certain what will bring me
full circle; back to the innocence of “not knowing any better”. Armed with the
wisdom of my experiences and the balance that was brought to me; I have been
smacked awake and know with all my heart what I desire in this lifetime. There
will not be anger or resentment, only love and encouragement. For many years
the only real fear I had was of failing and that was an obstacle designed for
me. Sure there are moments, words unspoken or spoken, choices I made that I
would take back if I could; I also know where my true desires are and I’m no
longer afraid to fail. Have the courage to change the things you can and have
faith that the results will bring you closer to your best life. Never be afraid
to lay your cards out on the table; the results won’t be up to you, but at the
very least you will have stepped up and gave life a shot. For the rest of my
days I will be grateful even when I don’t understand. I will be humble because
I know what I can and can’t control. I will love unconditionally because
forgiveness is essential to a peaceful heart. Even when it is painful, I will
walk with my shoulders back and head held high knowing I did the best I could. I
will send encouragement and light to those who have touched my soul no matter
the distance between us. When an opportunity to change comes, I will embrace it
and move forward. I will never again be afraid to fail or speak what I truly
feel. I want to share everything, good and bad with a person who simply wants
to understand me; I too will at least try and understand them. In this phase of
development; above all else, my dream is to be better.
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