Lessons, Change & The innocence of Love

“We only accept the love we think we deserve”

It has finally hit me, the simple fact that it is impossible to love in the way you may want to if you’re not willing to be open enough to receive the love you deserve. First, we must happy with what we have, remind ourselves just how good we actually are instead of wanting more and losing purity in the process. We can be decision makers, intensely creative, passionately chasing dreams, and living good fulfilling lives and yet some of us will somehow forget about what is most important at the end of the day; finding time to appreciate ourselves and the people who touch us when we’re not counting on “achievements”. Throughout life, perhaps even before we are born, there are lessons we need to learn or are put on this earth strictly to be taught; other folks put here to teach us. For many, the biggest task is shaking complexities that hamper our ability to be our best self. We are perpetually growing from what we are showed by the people who touch our lives. In order to find true inner peace it is absolutely necessary to be open and available enough to love ourselves no matter where we want to go or where we have been. Throughout my life I was taught to be a fighter, to not back down, to hold things in, and never show your cards. In fact, my High School Yearbook says “Offer up your best defense, this is the end of the innocence”. In many instances that would serve me well, for I am driven and fearless when it comes most things. Then there was the whole battle within myself where I wasn't smart enough, rich enough, strong enough, and just about any other “enough” that one can think of. That led to a series of events in my life when my passion and will to be a good man guided me to conquer many things; from creating opportunities to having some successes after I surely doubted myself. Until now, the biggest victory in my life was figuring out that one day at a time I could go without feeding a disease that would be sure to kill me; which is super fantastic because I WANT TO LIVE! I want to dance (at least try to), create, travel, dream, and embrace each day. Now, what I know is that I’m not only “good enough”, but I want pure and unconditional love in my life and I deserve it, everybody does. It has been the toughest lesson of all because those complexities within me shielded me from receiving it from the person put here to finally show it to me. She made an incredibly brave decision that challenged me and forced me to finally see that missing part of myself. There are not enough words in the dictionary to show or say how grateful I am for that. In teaching me that lesson, nobody is more worthy of unconditional love than her; she is magical because I’m a tough nut to crack! Everyone deserves happiness and it is up to each of us to make the choice to look far enough within ourselves to empower it if that’s what you truly desire. I always wanted love, but I also used ridiculous fears to prevent me from fully receiving it until I was ready to learn the lesson and the right soul was placed in my complex world to teach me. Anyone lucky enough to find that in their lives, I truly hope you see it while it’s there in front of you; that you embrace it and return the magical lessons you're learning.  

Every one of us is like a seed that needs to be nurtured and watered and fed sunlight to grow. There are people who will teach us a great deal in life about how and sometimes how not to be. I have to believe that everyone from our parents, siblings, friends, lovers, and even strangers impact our lives in some way that guided us to our current situation. Mostly though, our own experiences are what mold us. That makes us teachers as well as the ones who need to be taught. It’s a beautiful thing to be both and share it all with the world and those who matter most in our lives. Lessons never end, there are great ones and tough ones; but life will only get better if you let it. I've spent a whole lot of time looking inside to see what drives me, what makes me tick; acting, writing, creating, reading, meditation and physical exercise are just some of the ways and it has served me well. Lately it has been a lot of reading, writing (trying all kinds), driving, getting with nature, and doing whatever I can to quiet a very active mind. There have been many breakthroughs for me and if it could happen to me, it could certainly happen to anyone. Once you are free of your most inner fears, you will then, without even trying, allow everyone around you to feel the same way. My heart is a difficult one to hold, but it’s open and trusting at the moment. Those who are happiest and most content seem to be the ones who learned these lessons already. We are all learning at our own pace, in the exact time we are supposed to. Everything changes, so long as we are willing to open up and try to see things through a different pair of lenses; take the good lessons with the bad ones and do your best to let down your defenses and be available for life’s richest rewards. Trust the whole puzzle will one day come together, that the perfect connectors will find their way into or back into your world, whatever the case may be. If they come back, you will have both learned from each other and you will become greater than ever before. When your heart and soul are open to the gift, it is much more difficult to believe that it will not. Take the nourishment and the sunlight when it is fed to you; allow your amazing life to grow perfectly with the innocence of love.