Feng Shui and making room for 2nd chances

“I've tried to run away from it before and I’m not running anymore ‘cause I fought against it hard enough to know”~ John Mayer

It first came to me as I stared out the ocean, standing looking out and feeling an enormous shift; knowing that inside I've got to make changes in order to have the life I truly want. Part of being a dreamer is the costliness of “building castles in the sky”. Still, I've been blessed to have a solid foundation of the man I truly want to be. I had made the mistake of allowing myself to get trapped by outside forces that caused me to neglect everything that matters. At some point you have to realize what is most important for yourself and the people who deserve your love in your life and hopefully it doesn't cost too much. The last time I felt similar to the way I was feeling before that night, I had almost destroyed every single dream and anything good in my life. The beauty in all of this is simply that in recognizing my own shortcomings, there is a perpetual space to get better at everything. In a world that is far from perfect, second chances give us the opportunity to grow, excel, and dream on the right track. Any doubts I had about a future were gone that night and the next phase of development begins with change, I’m more than ready and willing to keep moving and creating. So I went on a crazy boardwalk ride with my niece and before we went she was afraid, even though it was her idea to take the ride. What I told her was in order to do anything we have to be fearless in our pursuits, look fear in the eye and walk right through it. In reality, I was talking to myself. I had begun the process of making changes that will help me to move toward the exact life I envision. There are unknowns that I have no control over, but I am wide open to the possibilities.

I read an article about what someone will do to keep what and who is most important in their life and it came down to change. If you come up with ten things you’re willing to change, then by all means make them and see what happens. My list is plentiful. For me it is a process that has been both fun and at times painful because of the realization that there is only so much I can actually control. I’m going to stick with the fun parts because what brings me joy is acting, writing, art, music, and learning new things, and the actual chasing of a dream. I know for certain that part of all of it is getting out of the place I currently reside and getting closer to the opportunities I seek. I take the responsibility of that seriously and have devised a plan to get there. In the meantime, I have to be okay with where I am right now and make the best of my current situation. So I got some furniture, cleaned up a ton of clutter, and began creating space to make room for improvement, "Feng Shui" if you will, to make room for what is missing. May seem trivial, but I've never been the most organized fellow. Using drawers instead of living out of bins is quite liberating! I needed to do that in order to make progress. I've found more auditions and classes, been writing the way a writer should write; fearlessly and without reservation or worry about outcomes. I've delved into different forms of it and reached deep down to create not only material, but peace in a continually racing mind. Accepting that I’m not quite where I want to be, change helps me see that I will get there. I've found ways of discovering new music and really taking it in. I've found a great deal of things to be grateful for and I’m building the life I imagine. I want to risk it all for the right person and everything that matters most. I’m certain of this much, who and what that is has given me the opportunity to grow; and for that, I’m eternally grateful. If you get another chance, look fear in the face and walk right through it.  

Art & The Places WE can go

“I think what film and art and music do; they work as a map of sorts for your feelings”

~Bruce Springsteen

Have you ever been driving and a song comes on the radio that just hits you? Inside you feel something come alive and it could take you to another dimension all together. I already know that answer because no matter who you are or what you do, the genius of somebody’s creation can move you in ways you never knew possible when you’re open to it. Each of us have an emotional core that when provoked can take us anyplace we really want to go; and often times are also afraid to go. We can look at a painting or drawing and something inside of us causes us to snap a picture of the image in our minds and feel what the artist was going through at a particular moment in their lives. It reminds us, no matter how strong or reserved or even stubborn we could be, that we are all human and have our own individual means of walking through life. A little over a week ago I took in a film that I haven’t seen in almost a decade; at that time I looked at the film from a different point of view and though I thought it was very good at the time, watching it now literally brought me to my knees at certain points because of the feelings it brought up inside about what is going on in my life right now. It provoked something in my heart and soul that I've either been scared of or never addressed until now. Simply stated, you love who you love, you’re connected to who you’re connected to and nobody can take it away. On that screen was me, not me the actor, but me the man going through life and all it's pain, beauty, and challenges. That is what art can do; the great comedy or tragedy or lesson that touches all of us comes out in it; it opens up our minds and our hearts to life’s possibilities. After a little bit of time processing what I had felt, I looked a bit further into this particular actor who moved me so much and now have a greater appreciation for not only his work, but the man he is; just a guy who had a dream and wasn't afraid to take risks in life or look “silly” doing it. Bravo Jim Carrey.

Something inside of me has always had an appreciation for collaborating artists. Whether it is in music or film, the idea of two or more very different people coming together and creating something magical inspires me beyond words. Although I personally am a bit of an individualist; the idea of teamwork is what really drives me. There is something about the connection that has always had me yearning to work at something together with someone else. The essence of this I suppose is that anything is possible when you’re surrounded by the right people or person. What I've found recently is that not only creatively, but in life, working at something together makes things more bearable and possibilities limitless. It has taken a lot for me to come to this realization, to discover that although we need to walk our own path, the road will be smoother when two paths meet; everyone needs a hand to hold onto. A writer needs a director who needs a cast that understands the message they’re trying to convey. The greatest musicians in the world need a band to fully evolve. An artist in any form get inspiration from the connections they make in the world. As Firefighters, we rely on each other to work together to get an important job done. Through it all, there is one common thread, a connection to somebody else. If and when you’re lucky enough to find a connection that makes you better, makes you feel alive, and clicks with you on every level; bring your paths together and create the life you imagine. Throw your cards on the table and allow each other to see what you’re holding; there’s always a possibility that they’re both winning hands. In the end, nobody wins unless everybody wins.   

The Courage of Thunder Road

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else”~ Erma Bombeck

Firefighters are doomed to live up to a reputation of being “courageous”; the fact of the matter is that in many ways we are, we took a job for the good of others and put ourselves in position to literally save lives. I love my job for that reason, it is not because I’m an adrenalin junkie or feel the need to be a “Hero”. A line from one of my all-time favorite songs is “I’m no hero that’s understood, all the redemption I can offer is beneath this dirty hood”, I believe that dirty hood is a metaphor for the singer’s essence. There was a lot of soul searching going on before Bruce came to that conclusion. The song itself is an invitation for a fellow dreamer to go out with the narrator and search the world together. It’s one of the greatest pieces of music that has ever been written in my humble opinion. Each time and each version I have listened to over the years has opened up a beautiful world to envision because I too am a dreamer. Over the last several weeks a whole new world has opened up inside me; I've found parts of me that I have been searching for and never even realized I was missing. They’re out there now, I’m making progress and I've had to muster more courage than I ever have to look that deep inside of myself. I've been to New York City, The Ocean, alone in an elegant hotel room, and to the mountains to figure out what will be next. In all these places the one constant was me; what I believe is that I’m at a whole new level of awareness and ready to be brave enough to fully engage in who, what, and all that matters most to me in this lifetime. There is truth in the assumption that “soul searching” can be painful, it can cause a person to break down walls they've built around themselves and finally see exactly what they want their lives to look like. No matter how hard we try, it is quite impossible to be perfect all the time, so open up what is inside of you and offer up everything you have; hold onto hope that the connections you've been yearning for make it all seem perfect. “Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night”.

The key to Thunder Road is that they are going take each other’s hand to go out and “case The Promised Land”, a place where all dreams will come true and they’re going to support and encourage each other along the way. It’s a fantastic narrative for those of us yearning to be better, to chase dreams, and cast fear aside. Those two lanes can take us anywhere we want to go; the power of it is in the knowing you have the courage to put yourself out there, the strength comes from an irreplaceable connection of “one last chance to make it real”. Open up your heart, follow it and in the end you will be able to embrace the process of actually allowing love’s agenda to work itself out. Once you’re on that road, surrender yourself because “Heaven’s waiting down on the tracks”.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-I579UTHm-o     

Unbreakable

“Hearts will never be practical until they are made UNBREAKABLE” ~The Wizard of Oz

There were thousands of people around when I gazed at an incredibly full moon above the ocean. I stared at the empty space on the beach below envisioning two people walking along the edge of the reflection on the water. In that moment I could feel a shift in my consciousness and in my heart; my entire being evolved at the vision of that empty space under the moonlit sky. I have won many battles in my life, personal, professional, and any other kind in between. I know what it is like to endure loss, to move on afterwards and usually relatively quickly. In my profession as an actor it is so common to end up on the losing end that parts of me are immune to rejection and defeat. By nature I am an extremely passionate and deep feeling guy and I’ve taught myself to use that as an advantage. Every single time I have accomplished something great in my life it was those two attributes that brought me there. No matter what however, there are other times when my biggest strengths become my ultimate weakness; when I lose myself for a time putting my passion into things that at the end of the day really don’t matter much. It’s a way of building walls maybe, or just being a prisoner of my own blindness. I guess life really is a perpetual work in progress. As great as it is to have the capacity to live in the moment and see where a day, week, or even year can take you; an “ah-ha” moment about your future can cause a monumental change in the way you look at things if deep down you’re not exactly where you want to be. This type of pain has catapulted people to step out of their comfort zone, forced them to move forward and chase dreams, to change everything.

According to my calculations, however unpractical they are, so long as you’re breathing and can see things, anything in life is possible when you’re willing to work for it and know for certain it is what you’re looking for. There could very well be moments in your lifetime where pain can cause a magical shift in the way you look at everything. Many say that pain is a great motivator; it will cause the most stubborn folks to change their whole outlook on life. This sort of thing happened to me in 2005 when I stopped living a destructive existence and it has happened again. When something, some power much greater than me, simply stated a fact in my heart and made me come to the realization that I had to be better. Back then, I figured out what I needed to do and did all I could to do just that; so far so good in that aspect of my life and I’m beyond grateful for it every day. Being there again, in that place where my insides are in turmoil and my mind races has once again brought that little voice into my conscious and my heart; I see my future and love what I envision, I just need to figure out how to get there. The space under the moonlit sky is full and I’m there and I’m not alone. When pain inside of you turns into love you can take practicality and throw it away hoping to keep your heart intact. Do your best to build the courage to transition yourself from fear and pain to love fully and completely. It’s worth the risk!  

Needs, Wants, and Songs

The Rolling Stones wrote, “You can’t always get what you want but you get what you need”. No truer words ever written because if you’re reading this you have everything you really need. It is easy to struggle with things in life because of the influence of others telling us what we do and do not need. They’ll tell you that you “need” to have a certain job, a family, success, a certain way of living and so on. Parents, family, and friends are notorious for adding this sort of pressure to us in our lives because perhaps they didn’t see or do all the things they wanted to do in life and feel that they are “doing what they need to do and you should to”. To a certain extent every one of us has to deal with this, I know I did and until the moment came in my life when I found out that all my basic needs were always met then became completely and wholly grateful for them; air in my lungs, a beating heart, food, shelter, a mind to do my own thinking, and an imagination that allows me to dream. To somebody else’s standards I didn’t have much and I paid the price for trying to be what others thought I should be. I was lost and had no direction, a prisoner to my own fears of not being good enough. That is different today even though those fears still creep up on me at times, each day knowing that I’m closer to the life I want guides me away from fear and allows me to stay on the winding path of my dreams. I read recently “To travel is better than to arrive”; a simple and very effective way of saying that we are never really forced to simply live a life of needs and we can always take risks to live the lives we want.

Just as true as The Rolling Stones, The Beatles wrote “All you need is love, love is all you need”. Love begins with yourself and morphs into the desires, ambition, and passion for your dreams and the people you allow into your life. Sometimes we are not sure of what we want along our journey and when it comes to us we may stumble a bit and resist because of our experiences or lack of them when it comes to facing change. Every so often reality has told me to quit pursuing my dream of acting; this is something I want badly in life and have the determination and will to make it happen. Day to day I’m not always sure how to get there, only that I’m going to. The ability to constantly evolve and grow and figure out the “how’s” is the greatest part achieving what you want. That is a case of something tangible that you can use your will and desire to get what you want. Love itself is not a tangible desire and yet, it is as John, Paul, Ringo, and George said, all we need. When it hits you fully it becomes a reason for striving and going on the greatest ride of your life. I love acting and found out that I love loving itself and these wild desires make me feel alive. They keep me moving and allow my heart to risk it all and keep moving in the direction of my dreams. Love also allows me to feel free and allow others to do the same. Sharing this passion is quite simply the greatest gift known to man and to have someone to experience it all with enhances it beyond imagination. As Dr. Seuss said, “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love”. I had no idea I wanted that until I tasted it. No matter what it is that makes you tick and makes you feel alive; love yourself and when the time comes to risk sharing it, remember to chase dreams and know you already have everything you need.    

Independence

As my alarm went off this morning at 4:45 I remembered the significance of this particular day, Independence Day. We celebrate it with fireworks, vacations and cookouts. There are parades, radio stations play songs of freedom and patriotism. In this part of the world, of all days that SHOULD be celebrated, this certainly is the one. 

"We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal; that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights; that among them are LIFE, LIBERTY and THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS"...These are some of the most powerful words ever written, not just here, but in all of the world. I started to think about these words, poured my first cup of coffee, plugged in the music that moves me and began to dream. These ideas were created for a country, but they trickle down to each of us. Our own individual freedom comes from a place inside ourselves; we have a choice each and every day to chase our dreams. Those of us that decide to chase dreams are most likely to catch them, no matter how big or how uncommon they may be. Long before any of us got here, there have been women and men who have paved a road that gives us permission to do whatever it is that makes us feel alive.

I honestly think a lot about the things in my life that I would have changed and the honest answer is nothing. Though I have had some difficult times, fears and failures; they have made me who I am today and this day is all I have to try and pave the way for myself and those I love. For me, our purpose is to keep on going through struggles and victories with a sense that after every single storm there is the calm of a perfectly sunny day. Nature tells us this and so does life. Years ago, my then sixteen year old niece answered the question "What is the best feeling in the world?" Her answer, "Defying the odds". I can't lay claim to giving that to her, but that is exactly what Independence Day is about; her words had a great impact on me. We are all capable of anything in life that we imagine and we are free, individually, to discover exactly what kind of mark we want to leave on the world around us. We are free to risk everything!

There is no age limit on fulfilling your dreams or to begin dreaming for that matter. Whatever your desires are, you have the power inside of you to stake your claim to them. If the odds seem against you~ defy them. When people or situations get you down and they will~ forgive them and move on. The right people and situations will surely be in your life, always at the right time. Remember that hope costs just as much as gloom but the rewards of hope are far greater. The pursuit of happiness is the greatest gift we have, get after it!

Places

You don’t really need be in any certain place in life to know where you are going. The present is all we can really control and the reason to get out of bed in the morning. When undue pressure is put on people to be someplace else in life’s journey, it makes it difficult to move forward. Whether you’re “established” or just starting out it may constantly seem as though you are trudging uphill to get to the place you feel you should be. We will all get there, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly; the key is to work right now at the aspects you can control. Always remember what is important, that the connections you make and the lives you touch will be what is remembered in the long run. Drive and ambition are wonderful gifts to have, it means you are in constant motion trying to evolve, grow, and succeed. The trick is to balance it with human connection and love and support of everyone’s own journey. Be grateful at all times that there is air in your lungs and visions you see; there is no dream too big when your heart is full of gratitude for the “little” things that keep you moving toward your intention.

Often times I feel as though the path I chose, actually the one that chose me is too difficult, that I’ve already overcome enough obstacles in my life to be striving for an “impossible dream”. There is plenty of rejection, disappointment, and perceived “failure” that I could simply be content with where I am, to stay complacent in my current situation; God knows I’m in a pretty good position, one I would not have dreamed of ten years ago. Therein is my truth~ that I will continue to move on my path, to strive to get after my ultimate dreams. If you have a vision of where you want to go, then simply put, it really doesn't matter much where you are right now as long as you’re doing what you can to move forward. We are all on a level playing field so long as we are progressing toward that place we really want to go. Nobody is in a better spot than anyone else as we move toward our goals; strive to be a work in progress. Growing into what we all want to be takes constant discovery and the willingness to adapt to the challenges and hurdles life throws at us. “A calm sea never made a skilled sailor”. Keep moving! Because frankly, you never can tell just how close you are to the place you really want to be.