“It’s better to feel pain than
nothing at all; the opposite of love is indifference”
~The Lumineers
Bent over,
exhausted, breathing as though there was a seventy five pound kettle bell
resting squarely on my chest; still, I managed to smile, sweat pouring from my
brow, I just finished my first triathlon. I felt accomplished, especially after
making it out of the swimming part alive! I’ve never been coached and that
needs to change, finding a training partner or partners is on my “to do” list.
After the race I decided to stay in a quaint bed and breakfast for the night; this
sort of mini trip has been common for me over the last couple of years. Romance
novels, movies, and the most popular music would call it “Soul Searching”; I
believe my soul has always been here, guiding me to be kind, to be a leader, to
struggle, to achieve, and to be touched by life. It’s been here for me to live
and survive every single experience of my existence in order to create from it.
No matter where you go physically, what kind of work you do, material
possessions or losses; the soul is our constant reminder that the world is full
of lessons and it is that piece of us that lifts us beyond the heavens. When
you “bare your soul” you’re striving for connection to a higher place, trying
to open up to a vast and beautiful world.
The
existence of our soul is a mystical, unidentifiable piece of us right up until
a moment arrives when suddenly, inexplicably, part of it is absent. I had gone
through my life as a very independent guy, consistently doing “my own thing, my
own way”, never in my entire life allowing anyone to get passed a certain point
of knowing me; an intense defense mechanism that served me for most of my life.
At a point, my guard came down and then a piece went missing and a search to
discover what is truly important to me began. I came upon the realization of
several “souls” that are part of me.
An “Old
Soul” is wise beyond their years, a person who wants stability without
bullshit. They’ve experienced life in such a way that there is nothing you can
throw at them they won’t understand or empathize with. Often, these are the
folks who choose very carefully, the people they allow to get close to them.
You want to sit with them by a fire, learn of their frailties, and tell them of
yours. Often they have deep seeded wounds that need healing. There is the
“Gypsy Soul”, the one who seemingly has a whimsical intelligence that can draw
you in and take you places of euphoric delight with an easy laugh and glimmer
in their eyes. There is mischievousness about them that makes freedom in any
moment penetrate every single part of your being and will have you soaring
above stars and moon. When you’re in their presence, there is a feeling you can
take on the world. You want to dance with them, jump off a cliff hand in hand,
and with reckless abandon, create an adventure for the ages. Often they have
deep seeded wounds that need healing. Kind souls, tortured souls, creative
souls, or any number of titles one could conjure up; at different moments
during our lives there will be many different variations of our authentic soul that
can mean many different things. This is what makes us human, to own each of
these different parts of ourselves and strive to be better.
Finally
there is what I call the “Stubborn Soul”. This is the part that, no matter how
much your mind tells you to quit or how much defense you’re able to build up, a
person or experience or dream stays with you and is there to teach you about
yourself. The stubborn soul asks that you look deeper to free everything up in
order to live the best possible life you’re able to; it asks that you find
answers within yourself instead of looking elsewhere. At times this part will
want to run away and not face the feelings of the heart, but it will always
come back unless you own it. This is the part that lingers until you open
yourself up enough to explore it thoroughly. This is the one that moves you to
leave your comfort zone and risk love and vulnerability. Often we do all we can
to fight it, but it’s not that easy. The stubborn soul, when you finally open up to what it's telling you, is the one that heals those deep seeded wounds and allows you to freely jump off of life’s
highest mountain knowing that there will be a smooth landing. Somewhere along
the journey there is a “Soul Mate” to soar with and to heal with; a perfect
blend of each other’s collective souls creating a world within the world to do
it all; the connection every soul yearns to find. At least, that’s what my
stubborn soul tells me.
