“Together we can live with the
sadness, I’ll love you with all the madness in my soul~ Someday girl, I don’t
know when, we’re gonna get to that place we really want to go, we’ll walk in
the sun, until then~ Tramps like us, baby we were Born to Run” ~Springsteen
I don’t
remember the date exactly when I heard Bruce was writing the story of his life,
I do recall feeling excited though. For as long as I can remember, since my
brother Kevin took me to my first concert, I’ve always been excited when a new
album was coming out! For me (and countless others), the music he has created
over his career has been like having a mentor, friend, shrink, and companion
behind speakers both big and small. I like pretty much all music and have many other artists I truly enjoy listening to; but when the shit hits the fan in my
head or my heart, Bruce is where I turn. After Kevin died there would be long
drives listening to THE RIVER, BORN TO RUN, NEBRASKA, or DARKNESS. I would
drive miles and miles upon hours and hours of listening, feeling, and wondering
how to navigate through this crazy life. Then there are the live shows, each
one a monumental experience of the brilliance the world provides. For 3 or 4
hours and usually days after there is this inexplicable euphoria that comes
over me; it began as BORN IN THE USA shook the rafters of Giants Stadium at the
first of many shows I would (and will certainly continue to) see. The E Street
Band that day, brought a new found hope to a young kid that was full of angst
and was in search of something that would bring me joy, passion, hope, and
possibly even an understanding of the stuff I feel inside; Bruce has been doing
that for me for a long time. According to “Born to Run”, the book, the concerts
have been Bruce’s place to find those very same things. We see him and he sees
us and that is a connection very few artists bring to their audience.
Bruce has
the ability to put himself in someone else’s shoes in a way not many other
artists can. As a Fireman, the chilling way he is able to feel what it must be
like to be ascending those stairs in THE RISING wearing “the cross of my
calling” is remarkable. He has never, as far as I know entered a burning
building, but he senses it and tells the story in a very real and sensitive way.
Needless to say, as a writer I anxiously awaited the delivery of the book; for
as much as the music has brought to me I simply knew this would help me to connect
to the artist in a new and profound way, it didn’t disappoint!
508 pages
read in a matter of three days, I couldn’t put it down; there I was going
through all my memories of the music and what it meant during different aspects
of my life. By myself in my apartment, I experienced moments of laughter and
flat out wails of crying as Bruce writes so poetically of his imagination
running wild as kid or his connection to a family life he believed to be so
different than anyone else’s. Sounds and smells of childhood mornings as his
mom got ready for work and the need to try and impress his dad (in my case my
older brothers as well). His decision of moving to California as I strongly
contemplate this very move was an eye opener to say the least, the final
decision to stay connected to his roots in Jersey, however sorted they may have
been for him, makes a whole lot of sense at this point in my life. Bruce is so
generous and open throughout the book that it’s a must read even if you’re not
a “fan”. One of the biggest rock stars and artists on planet earth has
struggles to overcome and real life anxiety that anyone could own. No doubt he
has also had success and incredibly joyous moments that few experience, but all
of it comes to fruition in a very human way. He puts it out there in such a way
that you feel like you’re having a long conversation with your closest friend.
My eyes
welled with tears as I read about his experience of realizing the world was closing
in on him in Texas. He writes, “All I know is as we age the weight of our unsorted
baggage becomes heavier… much heavier”. For me, over a decade ago a similar
experience happened and I had to take a good long look in the mirror to change
everything, to break free from the demons that had a grip on my soul and caused
nothing but despair. I was able to overcome alcoholism and that was the
beginning of a new life. That’s not to say I haven’t had other battles since
then, the “baggage” I carried was immense and I’m still processing and letting
it fall every single day. Through my own decision to see a therapist and search
of family history I’ve discovered parts of me that took a long time to
comprehend and I could not be more grateful. The outsider in me caused me to
retreat from the most pure and loving relationship I’d ever known; today I know
I’ve done my best and that my half of the dream is alive. When the other half shows up, I'll be ready and willing to explore! I live a very
rewarding life, because of that experience I’m now open to delving into life’s
journey, not only as an individual chasing dreams, but as part of the bigger
picture; a basic and strong need for connection, for love and forgiveness and
healing. A connection that will one day bring me a family and sense of security
all the while, basking in the moments of silliness, of passion, and creativity;
this life holds all of these aspects and now I understand why Bruce Springsteen
has been along with me for the ride all these years. It really “ain’t no sin to
be glad you’re alive!”
