“I've tried
to run away from it before and I’m not running anymore ‘cause I fought against
it hard enough to know”~ John Mayer
It first came to me as I stared out the ocean, standing looking out and feeling an enormous shift; knowing that inside I've got to make changes in order to have the life I truly want. Part of being a dreamer is the costliness of “building castles in the sky”. Still, I've been blessed to have a solid foundation of the man I truly want to be. I had made the mistake of allowing myself to get trapped by outside forces that caused me to neglect everything that matters. At some point you have to realize what is most important for yourself and the people who deserve your love in your life and hopefully it doesn't cost too much. The last time I felt similar to the way I was feeling before that night, I had almost destroyed every single dream and anything good in my life. The beauty in all of this is simply that in recognizing my own shortcomings, there is a perpetual space to get better at everything. In a world that is far from perfect, second chances give us the opportunity to grow, excel, and dream on the right track. Any doubts I had about a future were gone that night and the next phase of development begins with change, I’m more than ready and willing to keep moving and creating. So I went on a crazy boardwalk ride with my niece and before we went she was afraid, even though it was her idea to take the ride. What I told her was in order to do anything we have to be fearless in our pursuits, look fear in the eye and walk right through it. In reality, I was talking to myself. I had begun the process of making changes that will help me to move toward the exact life I envision. There are unknowns that I have no control over, but I am wide open to the possibilities.
It first came to me as I stared out the ocean, standing looking out and feeling an enormous shift; knowing that inside I've got to make changes in order to have the life I truly want. Part of being a dreamer is the costliness of “building castles in the sky”. Still, I've been blessed to have a solid foundation of the man I truly want to be. I had made the mistake of allowing myself to get trapped by outside forces that caused me to neglect everything that matters. At some point you have to realize what is most important for yourself and the people who deserve your love in your life and hopefully it doesn't cost too much. The last time I felt similar to the way I was feeling before that night, I had almost destroyed every single dream and anything good in my life. The beauty in all of this is simply that in recognizing my own shortcomings, there is a perpetual space to get better at everything. In a world that is far from perfect, second chances give us the opportunity to grow, excel, and dream on the right track. Any doubts I had about a future were gone that night and the next phase of development begins with change, I’m more than ready and willing to keep moving and creating. So I went on a crazy boardwalk ride with my niece and before we went she was afraid, even though it was her idea to take the ride. What I told her was in order to do anything we have to be fearless in our pursuits, look fear in the eye and walk right through it. In reality, I was talking to myself. I had begun the process of making changes that will help me to move toward the exact life I envision. There are unknowns that I have no control over, but I am wide open to the possibilities.
I read an article about what someone will do to keep what and who is most important in their life and it came down to change. If you come up with ten things you’re
willing to change, then by all means make them and see what happens. My list is
plentiful. For me it is a process that has been both fun and at times painful
because of the realization that there is only so much I can actually control. I’m
going to stick with the fun parts because what brings me joy is acting,
writing, art, music, and learning new things, and the actual chasing of a
dream. I know for certain that part of all of it is getting out of the place I
currently reside and getting closer to the opportunities I seek. I take the
responsibility of that seriously and have devised a plan to get there. In the
meantime, I have to be okay with where I am right now and make the best of my
current situation. So I got some furniture, cleaned up a ton of clutter, and
began creating space to make room for improvement, "Feng Shui" if you will, to make room for what is
missing. May seem trivial, but I've never been the most organized fellow. Using drawers instead of living out of bins is quite liberating! I
needed to do that in order to make progress. I've found more auditions and
classes, been writing the way a writer should write; fearlessly and without
reservation or worry about outcomes. I've delved into different forms of it and
reached deep down to create not only material, but peace in a continually racing
mind. Accepting that I’m not quite where I want to be, change helps me see that I will get there. I've found ways of discovering new music and really taking it in. I've found a great
deal of things to be grateful for and I’m building the life I imagine. I want
to risk it all for the right person and everything that matters most. I’m certain of
this much, who and what that is has given me the opportunity to grow; and for
that, I’m eternally grateful. If you get another chance, look fear in the face and walk right through it.
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